Name: Lya Pouleyy
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- 3 online art healing (small) group sessions, to exchange/ advice/ share with other clients. The sessions will be based on topics that concerns each member.
- An access the group community.
- A special newsletter with private accesses.
- A discount to any offer from www.lyapouleyy.com (conditions apply).
Bonjour my smoking peacocks! Hope that you are feeling as good as a baby who just burped!
Aaaaaaaah 21st century and its infinite choices… We can be everything, go everywhere, eat anything, travel everywhere, fuck everybody and never get enough!!!! We have SO many choices that we can’t choose. Especially in big cities like NYC where people are free spirit, and don’t care much about God or karma. You do you and that’s it, careless and consequence free. But how to do you and be you when you can be eeeeveeeeeryyythiiingggggg??? HOOOOOWWWW??? What if you make this choice but there is another better? And what if you go to the so-called better choice but the first one was in fact better and now you’re screwed because you can’t go back? What if you are never satisfied with your choice and truly believe that there is always a better option and your goal (jajajaja: spanish laugh) is to always find better and never settle because the grass is always greener elsewhere (and there is a lot of grass…)
Well, let me tell you something my dear peacocks, if you are always looking for a better option, a better choice, it means that YOU are the problem!!!!!! Ok, let me put it in a nicer way: you are not the problem but you are definitely not ok with who you are. If you are an eternal unsatisfied, it means that you are not satisfied with yourself. The answer is not outside but inside.
I always give my mascara example. When the “They Are Real” mascara by Benefit came out, I tried it and have stuck to it ever since. Why? Because I was satisfied… No, I was HAPPY with it and my search was over. I found what I needed because it exactly answered my needs. I saw many other commercials about amazing other mascaras, but guess what? I was happy with mine and didn’t even think about getting another one because I was already happy. This mascara just contributed to my happiness but didn’t make me happy. See the difference?
But I am a Human, so one day, I got bored and tried another one, the new best seller (because mine was the best seller but it became second). So I bought the new one, tried it once, twice, ten times… And I didn’t like it at all. I couldn’t even get used to it. And then, I asked myself:” Why the fuck did I switch mascara? I loved the Benefit one? Why did I fucked up the perfect relationship? My lashes love that mascara!!!!!… Oh because I saw something new and I wanted to chaaaaaannnnnge, to give a tryyyyyy…. And now what? I HATE that one. Let me just go back to my Benefit”.
Of course that is just a mascara but you see my point. And I am not saying that you should settle for less or mediocre. But once you find what makes you happier, why wanting to fuck it up for something else? If you are willing to give up on something great, it is MAYBE because you are not happy/ satisfied in the first place. But I mean really happy, not comfortable. These two are different. You don’t keep things or people because you feel guilty. This is a charity case and most people don’t like to be treated as charity (if they do, send them to me!)
Happiness is within us and nothing, no one will make you happy. But they are for sure contributing to our happiness.
Now, happiness, according to me, is work! And a lot of it.
Don’t get fooled by overchoice. It will just confused you even more. You need to know what you want at first place even if it is not precise.
If choices are a problem, it shows that you are very confused at first place and not really comfortable in your life.
If your ass is always unsatisfied and you need to jump from woman to woman, man to man, location to location, new venture to new venture… STOP! Take a deep breath and start asking yourself WHY?
It is inner work, self development, so it is pretty intense and very deep. Good news is that you don’t need to do it alone and I am here for that. Look at my coaching page: http://www.lyapouleyy.com/wcc/
That’s all for me kiddos!
Peace n kiss
Bonjour my sweet peacocks. How are my business people, my family keeper people doing? Hope you are doing great, that you feel amazing and at peace. That your body/ mind/ soul and emotions are on track.
I wanted to make an allegory using the river and the pond. But let’s define both terms.
A pond is, according to Lya’s dictionary, that natural or man made water thing, shaped with some wildlife in it. According to Google dictionary: “a small body of water formed naturally or by hollowing or embanking… Natural ponds form in small depressions and are usually shallow enough to support rooted vegetation across most or all of their areas.”
Wildlife, fauna and flora grow in and around a pond. A pond is safe, stagnant (like its water). You kind of know what to expect, how to behave from it, there is no surprise. It is an easy-peasy lifestyle. For the typical 9-5 workers, being like a pond is perfect because you go back to the same old same old every single day until you retire. Even if you evolve, you are in a pretty safe environment and your life is a pretty circle. You live inside a defined roundish shape. You are stagnant… No static… Sorry stable! There is a lot of security but no new fresh water, no new movement, no new inhabitant in your pond. Your water is muddy, the filtering system is different so it is more difficult to grow and live longer in a pond. (I’m just saaayyyyiiiiing).
Now, here me out, I am NOT judging people who decide to live that lifestyle as employees. I am just here to show to my business owners, entrepreneurs and house parents that it is very difficult to keep that mentality since your call is to make sure that others are ok.
Now let’s talk about the river: it is a natural stream of water that empties into another body of water like an ocean. So a river merges with something bigger than itself for bigger purposes… Aaaaannnnwwwww^^ (← this is the “wink wink”). A river is kind of endless because it belongs to a way bigger family. When you have a river mindset, you trust the Universe, you trust Life, you trust yourself because you know that you are here for a bigger purpose. You go with the flow knowing that it is going to be ALRIGHT.
No matter what your speed is, you always go where you need to go. Sometimes you move fast, sometimes you move slow. But you move to your goals, and that is what is important. On your flowing journey, you get rid of anything toxic, you renew oxygen, and beautiful wildlife that is always regenerating thanks to you. As a river, you receive and you give. Some stay, some go; but you never stop. You collect and redistribute.
I could keep going and going but you understand my point, my dears. For your business, families to be sustainable and flourishing, you definitely need to think like a river and give more trust to yourself and life.
That’s all for me!
Don’t forget to have a look at my other articles, categories on my website and YouTube Channel.
Peace n Kiss
We all know that we have to set boundaries otherwise people are going to suck our blood like the vampires that they are! (But we might be vampires for some people as well). I am pretty sure (I hope) that you learnt how to say no to your dear mother when she asks you to see an aunty while you have to go to the hairstyler. I know (I strongly hope) that you set up boundaries in your relationship when boo ask for a head and you just don’t feel like it. I am sure (I am still hoping) that you are able to put yourself first regardless if it is a request from your lovely children, your bff or your guru.
I became a master at setting boundaries with others. Sometimes I feel like I am setting way too strong boundaries but it is for my own sake because I have by Nature, the “Jesus” syndrome. I felt like I had to save everybody, everyone, the world! It is very related to childhood traumas and I was aware of it. That’s why my boundaries are very strong now because I can easily slide back to the sacrifice mode as if I will receive a Nobel Prize at the end of my life for being a people pleaser/ savior! (as I am editing this, I removed a lot of things because I am so not the same, I don’t feel either behave the same. Now I can NOT easily slide back to the savior who sacrificed herself syndrome).
But before getting a peak of testosterone and barricade yourself from anyone, ask yourself WHY in the world you are having a hard time to set up boundaries? Why do you feel like you have to be a people/ situation pleaser? Why do you feel like you have to be a yes person? Don’t you think that you are worth being considered? Don’t you think that you matter? Do you really think that people’s happiness is your happiness? How about what YOU want? I get the: ” seeing my people happy makes me happy”. But what is deep inside?
I think the very first person you need to set boundaries with is YOURSELF. Because you allow people’s behavior toward you and situations to happen and/ or repeat themselves.
The boundaries need to be physical, mental, spiritual and emotional and it has to start with you. When you always make yourself available knowing that you have things to do (like resting for instance) you don’t set up boundaries and you don’t respect yourself. When you say yes for extra work because someone nicely asked you to but you had to watch your child’s recital and now baby is mad at you and you feel guilty; it is YOUR fault. You could have said no but you decided to do so. I have thousands of examples like that. And then you will blame people but you and only you are the one who makes decisions. If you can set up boundaries with one or people is one thing, but if you can’t set up boundaries with the whole world, it means that you don’t have enough self-respect (sorry), and it is your fault because nobody won’t ever give you the “respect you deserve” because they don’t owe you shit, the same way you don’t owe them shit. The only person you owe anything to is yourself. People won’t think for you; they think for themselves; and you are here thinking that they will pamper you and look at your best interest… Come on! You need to do better and learn how to shut down the negative thoughts that are pushing you to sacrifice.
Have you ever caught yourself not having (enough) boundaries with your emotions, fears, ego or I don’t even know what? Are you aware that besides the pressure of relatives, situations, the lack of boundaries is due to your guilt feelings, some shame that you have been carrying for way too long, your fear of being the bad guy etc. Funny thing is that we don’t set boundaries with these negative unjustified thoughts? You are not responsible for people’s way of thinking, behaviors BUT you are responsible for how they interact with you! That’s why you need to set up those damn boundaries. It is not an easy exercise but it is a simple one.
How to? Always the same thing: SHADOW WORK! I feel like masochist because I LOVE to do shadow work. Not because I like to suffer, but because I LOVE to progress and I love to feel that I don’t feel negativity anymore while
the job is done. I love to feel that things don’t hurt me no more^^
Since I am a life coach, I can grow pretty fast because I know where to go and I am not afraid of it. I consider
fear as a good friendly indicator. Or just a friend. When I am scared, I know that I have some work to do.
Set some healthy boundaries with your negative feelings and thoughts (better if you can block or get rid of them. I have plenty of techniques for that). Be kind and gentle to yourself. Say out loud positive affirmation and kind words. Meditate and love yourself.
That’s all for me kiddos!
I invite you to have a look at my coaching page: http://www.lyapouleyy.com/wcc/
And follow me on Instagram: www.instagram.com/lyapouleyy
Bonjour my beautiful Peacocks! It’s been forever right?!? I know, I know… I needed to do some strong inner work to come back healthier, with more clarity and a new direction. I won’t promise not to ever disappear because life is very unpredictable. But nothing bad happened, I was just applying to myself my coaching, and healing takes a lot of time, and I made this time for myself because I needed to see visible changes in my life…
The life that I wanted became my reality. How? I started to really trust the Universe AND myself! Simply as that^^ You really have to trust yourself, seriously! I learned how to let go of what is beyond my control and thanks to 2020, I understood that you can plan as much as you want, life will simply mess up your plans for something better.
So I was getting abundant, balanced, aligned, at peace, but the love aspect was still missing and I was working on it. I shifted the negative “what if?” to the positive “what if?” I mean that I came from: “what if it’s not working? to “what if it’s a total success?” And then I started to ask myself different questions, and came with different answers and positive endings. I also hired a business coach who after two sessions, told me :” Lya, you don’t have business issues, you have foundations issues” and I told him that it was exactly what I thought after the second session. So we agreed on rebuilding my foundations. Something that I was already working on, but with him, it was “easier”. That’s what I thought, until the Universe struck agaiiiiiiin! And it came at me REALLY hard. It was for me to break free, end up some patterns and childhood traumas… OMG I still can’t believe it!
Nothing is this world can disturb my peace more than my family, regardless the fact that I’m in good term or not with them. And this time, it was my father’s family… A family that I love so much but barely know. They needed me and I put my life on hold for them, despite the fact that I haven’t spoken to my father in 13 years. And seeing my father again was one of the MOST TRAUMATIC events of my life so far. I won’t go into details but what I can tell you is that, this event with my father’s family shook up my entire life, my soul… It was like I didn’t know what I wanted for myself anymore. I can tell you that I have been through shit in my life but I had never been that empty after facing a situation. I had no energy. I wasn’t depressed but empty as fuck! I was unbalanced, misaligned. I was foggy inside, like the biggest dark grey clouds. And I didn’t know what happened to me. It was like my soul gave up on me. I was so confused about my life, my present, my future.
So what did I do? I meditated a lot, rested a lot, painted a lot, kept working, pretended that I acknowledged what was happening, worked out, saw some people, danced, spoke to my family and friends about everything and anything, listened to some specific music with specific frequencies to raise my vibrations, been there for people etc. I did everything that the books, videos, podcasts would tell you to do. And did that work? ABSOLUTLY NOT!!!!!! But I have to say that all of these things helped me not to drown. They kept me from not being depressed. But I wasn’t feeling good at all.
And I was so mad at myself for not feeling better, being better. I was sooooooo soooooo mad! And one day I told myself: “Lya! You are a freaking life coach! What about applying your method to your damn self!??!” And then the journey started!
The very first step was to acknowledge what was really going on and to start to do some shadow work.
It was pretty hard because I felt like all I did in 2020 and 2021 was to do shadow work, and I was TIIIIRED of that! I didn’t want to do any more shadow work. But I fractionated it, so it was a bit easier.
Shadow work is exhausting because it is extremely deep, you have to go back to where it truly hurts. You need to be ready for that. I recommend for you to be guided by a coach or therapist if you can’t handle it on your own, because you keep digging and digging and digging until you spot the origin of your pain, your trauma. So there are a lot of “whys” and “how did that make you feel?”, a lot of cries and pain resurfacing. You are clearly having a deep introspection with your Inner Child, and this baby is on fire!
If you are interested, I can write more in another article about shadow work.
It is so important for you not to minimize how you feel, not to underestimate your pain. Please, stay away from “there is worst in the world”. You are not here to compare misery! And it won’t help you at all to think that way. And if anyone is telling you that, simply stay away from that person! You are not dumb, either narcissistic! You know that there is worst in this world, and knowing that won’t make you feel better. Knowing that people experience more pain in their lives is not making yours disappearing. Your pain is important. If you are in pain, don’t neglect it. Your Inner Child needs you and that is your job to take care of her/ him. I wrote an article about self reparenting: http://www.lyapouleyy.com/reparenting-yourself/ .
And take it easy. I know that in that society, we have to work, we are super busy and all of that, but if you don’t slow down or stop to take care of yourself, nobody will do it for you. Time won’t slow down for you. Accept to be powerless, empty, sad, traumatized, depressed etc. Accept any negative emotion. Don’t refrain them because it will just make things worst. Even if you have the worst thoughts, in that phase, let them flow but make sure that they just remain thoughts, not actions! We are not here to kill either hurt anyone here ok?!?
If you need to rest a lot, do it. I slept a looooot! And since I was not depressed, I made sure to keep my apartment clean. I even did some re-decorations to make me feel good.
Then I made everything about MOI (me).
Something I that really learned to do late 2020. My life has always been about the others because that is the way I have been raised. But last year (pretty late huh?!?) I realized that it wasn’t serving my purpose to put people first and to be a background character of my own life! I l have learned how to be the main character of my life. Funny thing because it is exactly what my North Node is about: being the main character of my life! My North Node is in Aries and South Node in Libra… At first it was really hard (and it still is sometimes) because I feel selfish and guilty for not being there for my people BUT my same people are happy when I am there for them even if it costs me a lot. I am not talking about all my people of course, but a lot of them. Some distanced themselves because I wasn’t there for them as much as I used to (and that is a good thing after all!), some feel betrayed, some don’t understand. But guess what? IT IS OK! If I don’t prioritize myself once again, no one will ever do it for me.
I practice self-care A LOT!!!! And thanks to my career, I have to take care of myself, my appearance. OMG it feels sooooo good, a real pleasure! And you know what? I experienced that when my energies were negative, it messed my gigs, my self care and people’s energies. The hairstylist messed up my hair, the nail artist messed up my nails, the director messed up the shoot etc. Mind you that I always work with them, my negative energy disrupted theirs. I also think that it is due to the increase of my energies (positive and negative) since I am more and more elevated.
Little by little, I cut off people who were taking the very few energy that I had. They weren’t supposed to know what I was going through, and I felt like I was suffocating and killing my Soul. So I simply cut them off, family included. Of course I felt very bad but now I can breath! I don’t carry any weight from others anymore but my own. I no longer want to carry anybody’s weight, and that is alrighty! I will come back whenever I feel ready, not before. I am not jeopardize my mental, emotional and spiritual health for anyone ever (maaayyyybe my kids).
I surround yourself with the right people.
I am very fortunate to have amazing people in my life! Some that I speak to regularly, and some that I speak to less often, but the love, appreciation and respect is still there. And they proved my once again that I have made the right choice! They are my people and not necessarily blood family, but they are my chosen family, and I am beyond grateful to have them.
And once again, I cut off with people who were acting like vampires.
Don’t feel ashamed to be vulnerable. Don’t feel ashamed to make it about you during the conversations because, obviously you are not okay and expressing your feelings is super important. You are not here in that situation to be a good listener. You need to be heard and supported. You need it.
And please, don’t waste your time to focus on who is not there for you. This is not the right time for this. Your goal is to heal, not to hold grudge. Plus, people have their own lives. Thus, don’t forget to check if your people are in the emotional, mental availability to support you during these trying times. It is all about you in your world but not in theirs! Respect if they can’t be there for you, don’t become a toxic motherf*cker to them!
Moreover you will be surprised by how someone will relate to what is happening in your life at this particular moment so you will be able to support each other: give and receive ♥♥♥. The Universe knows what It is doing^^ Communicate with the Universe, It will send you the right people. Trust.
I listen to hardcore Hip Hop music (rap).
Back to my roots: 90’s NYC rap!!!!! Wu Tang Clan, A Tribe Called Quest, Nas, Smif N Wessun, Busta Rhymes, Das EFX, Da Bush Babees etc etc. Best remedy ever for me to elevate my vibrations! You know when they say that you have to listen positive music, with a certain frequency bla bla bla… I won’t say that it is bullsh*t but I mean it jajajaja!!!!! Just listen to what keeps you alive! What makes you feel good, energetic. What bounces your soul, what makes you jump around, what boosts you! What brings you positivity. I tried whatever meditative music… It just kept me vibrations low and gave my nightmares… (what?!?!?)
But when I listen to my “old school Hip Hop”, I go back to the source of what I love (along with Soul Music). Nothing makes me feel better/alive that my “dangerous/violent music”. And nothing touches more my heart and soul than my Soul Music: Teddy Pandergrass, Sam Cook, Otis Redding, Donny Hattaway, Gladys Knight, Wendy Rene etc. and of course: my Boyz II Men! That is where it take my strength from. The vibrations are high back in no time! Find what music works best for you and then let’s talk about how you feel uplifted!
Nature is the real deal! No matter where you live. If you are a city person, go to a freaking park. Lay on the grass and enjoy! Just chill, place a phone call, listen to some music, meditate, don’t do shit, think, don’t think, dance, draw, move… Do whatever in that park.
Nature is powerful! Nature is everything that you need to reload yourself. Bike, hike, swim, ski, sky dive, do some fruit picking… You name it .Appreciate the Nature, talk to It, hug It, respect It, admire It, be grateful.
Let go of any guilt.
Break through the freaking feeling of guilt! Accept that you are changing. What you are going through is a phase for the new you, and you have to accept it and the process creates changes that go along with that. Set yourself free! You are changing for your own convenience, for a better life. I agree that it is not easy but you have to face that a better life is right in front of you. And there is no improvement without change. You will have to move forward lighter of pain, lighter of traumas, lighter of people, lighter of toxic situations. It can be scary and frustrating because you wish that you can take with you some people/ situation that you don’t want to be separated from but hey! Guess what?!? That is exactly how you grow and get out of your comfort zone. Some people and situations need to belong to your past, and need to stay in the past for a better future. Some people and situations need to stay in the economic seats while you are in business or first class. You might take the same fly but you don’t have to seat next to them^^.
Embrace the promising life that is waiting for you. Guilt is just a feeling, nothing more than a feeling.
Think about a brand new alignment without all the burden. How would your life be without this and this and this and that in it? Pretty amazing right?!? Come on, be honest! You know it and I know it too^^
Once you have your new alignment, then you can start to a new routine, a new meditation, a new mantra, a new everything!
I personally know that me healing, is hurting some people at some point, because I choose me, and I am not sacrificing myself for people’s comfort, even if they need me, even if they want to have me now in their lives, even if they miss me, even if they need support, guidance etc. If it costs me my own self, I won’t do it again… So far, it is not worth it.
Don’t forget that Life treats you the way you treat yourself. If you treat yourself like a sacrifice, a savior, a helper, a “not so important person”, a second / third character, or worst: a background job in your own life, do NOT expect that Life will give you more than how you respect yourself. The Universe will give you more of what you give for yourself. So, the more you will treat yourself as an insignificant character of your own damn life, the more the Universe will give you insignificant background duties, more of savior duties, more of helper jobs, but you will never be a shining start if you keep neglecting yourself. Don’t wait for a sign to chance: it will never come… You make the change to see the change. There is no other way, otherwise, as my Mom always says: “Tu vas chanter comme Dalida: “J’attendrai” ” (You will sing like Dalida: “I will wait”).
That’s all for me, hope it helps. I am super glad that I am back and I have more for you.
Take very good care of yourself! You are your own magic, your main character, and you are worth it AND powerful.
Peace n Kiss muaaaakkkk
«Makeup is not my armor, it’s my playground. »
At first, I would say that I put makeup on because I like getting ready, I have always been coquette since my early age. I believe this is the result of the Barbie phenomenon. Her persona has a significant impact on my life now that I think about it… She is always well-dressed with a nice haircut, and that is what I love the most about her. That did not mean I wanted to be the same as her white face and blond hair because, even my younger self searched for a black doll. I have always been attracted to what I look like. When I was little, l watched my mom, my aunts, my older cousins putting makeup on, I was like fascinated; my mom noticed, so she bought me my first makeup item: a waterproof mascara in a turquoise tube. In my first days in high school, I started putting foundation and so serious adventure begins…
FEEL GOOD “When I feel sexy”
Makeup became one of my many forms of self-care, and also a form to express myself. When I am not feeling at my best, it has grown into a way to boost my ego. Just like that, I start getting ready alone at home, look in the mirror, take pictures and compliment myself. I believe narcissism got its good sides! I still feel beautiful with a bare face with just hydrating face crème and chopstick. I have no problem showing myself with no makeup on, and so to keep the same mindset I take pictures of myself without any filter or makeup to remind myself what I looked like and not get myself lost in this egotistical and overweening world we live-in mostly as a result of the rise of social media. It’s keeping me down to earth into appreciating more my natural beauty. A type of beauty, that everyone got, that may sound a little cliché but, I strongly believe everyone got their own unique beauty no matter what beauty standards one’s society has putting up, but sometimes it is just the way they are and the way they’re standing themselves that produce attractiveness. It can come from a song I just listen to or when I see my reflection in the mirror after taking a shower. I want to make an extra effort and materialize this feeling.
A few days after feeling low because of school, love story or simply life, I sit down and free my imagination. Subsequently, I take pictures and videos without even posting those on social media, I am keeping them to myself.
A usual Sunday like any others, I fished all my tasks, my homework is done, my belly is full, I’m done scrolling through my social media so I am saying to myself just like that: “why not.”
When I see a nice picture on Pinterest or a good YouTube makeup tutorial, it makes me want to get pretty too so I take my makeup brushes while keeping in mind the aesthetic of what I saw, and let’s go! Makeup is here to enhance what you already have. Don’t try to look like someone else, you got chubby cheek put blush on it, you got almond eyes apply eyeliner, you got big lips put lipstick on. All I am trying to say is makeup should not be a mask you are hiding behind but instead considered it as a way to show yourself in another light and still accepting yourself without any artificial effect. I think you can use makeup to gain confidence, but you also got to learn to keep the same energy and enthusiasm when you don’t get any. Don’t lose yourself trying to look like someone else it will get you nowhere because solve the confidence problem that you might but it will increase it.
Océanne BILE ELA
This is the very first article of Oceanne Bile Ela, promising journalist.
This spreadsheet is to help you to externalize the negative feelings that you cumulated during your cycle.
For women who menstruate, you can you the “Menstrual Funk Ritual” on the first day of your periods to express, write, draw all the annoyances. You will let them go as you let the flux go outside your body.
Then you will start a new cycle with a lighter heart and a lighter mind.
You can use the “Express Yourself Creatively” to draw, paint, polka dot, scratch etc. Be you, be creative.
If you are a man or you simply don’t have your periods, you can still use it based on your own hormonal cycle or weekly/ bi-weekly/ monthly or anytime you feel like.
Click here to download.
Enjoy and embrace all your feelings and emotions!
Bonjour my splendid peacocks! Hope you are doing well mentally and emotionally.
I started to write this article in NYC but I am finishing it, here in Port Saint Lucie, Florida. I am truly happy to spend my last days of 2020 here.
I feel that I am writing right on time, just few days before 2021, which is great for new resolutions…
If you have ONE job to do to start your new year, start with that one: REMOVE TOXIC PEOPLE FROM YOUR LIFE.
It is hard but very much needed, and you won’t find peace of mind until you got rid of them. The society we are living in is complicated enough, and you need serenity to function. If you are a business owner, a CEO, an entrepreneur, a leader or a parent; you have responsibilities, your brain runs like a locomotive and you can NOT allow people who are in your life to disturb your peace more than contributing to your happiness.
Sometimes it might be easier to separate yourself from some people, but sometimes you love some of them so much than it breaks your heart to kick them out. As negative as they are for you, they become your comfort zone and you think that you are better suffering with them than suffering without them… But remember, you start to evolve once you get out of your comfort zoneˆˆ Without them, it is going to be painful as hell but the light is right in front you.
And because of beliefs, traditions, cultures, we tend to think that we have to stick to some people no matter what. I am talking about family: parents, siblings, spouse, kids etc. If they are giving headaches, heartaches, body aches and so on, you need to find the strength to move on without them. You are capable and worthy! Toxic people are not fate, they are choice. Negative for you right now, doesn’t necessarily mean that they are evil people. They are just nor for you right now. You have to make a decision… A tough one but mandatory one for your own sake. And maybe the “break-up” might just be temporary, or maybe after all, you will realize that you are better without them. And this doesn’t change the love that you have for them. What is good for you is not always what you want and what you want is not always good for you^^
I had to distance myself from many people in order to realign and rebalance my life. It was a painful task but I don’t regret a second because I see how beneficial it is to me. I thought that I would strongly distance myself from some of my favorite people in the world just for a little while, but it turned out that I was way better without them. And it doesn’t change an ounce the love that I have for them. I still deeply love them (or not) but from far. I want the best for them, happiness, peace, love and abundance but I do not keep them around.
I decided not to sacrifice my peace because that’s what I choose over everything. If your are more cons than pros in my life, you are out! And I strongly recommend you to do so.
Today I have a special thought for the great man that we call Babson or Baba (Ousman Sy). Legendary dancer from one of the most talented Hip Hop dance group ever: Wanted Posse. They revolutionized the dance game! Baba was one of the best dancers ever, a choreographer and an artistic director, with a worldwide reputation. The Hip Hop world is in mourning… He will be terribly missed. He is the one who invited me to NYC and showed me NYC back then. I fell in love with NYC and decided to move here thanks to him. I will be eternally grateful.
Dance In Peace Baba. You are appreciated.
Peace n kiss.
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Bonjour my fabulous peacocks. How are you doing today?
I think the question is definitely meant to be asked… We all consciously want to be happy, but unconsciously, a lot of people are not ready for happiness because of… F.E.A.R!
Ether you want to have a successful business, a healthy loving relationship, living your life the way you want or a bangable body; are you deeply really ready to have these things? What will make you happy that you can handle?
You might think that I’m crazy because, of course we all want happiness… But happiness requires a lot of work and efforts, happiness “has a price”: change! Even if you believe in miracles, you need to induce them. And miracles happen when you get out of your comfort zone (wink wink).
So what does hold us back from happiness?
As much as we want to be happy, we tend to think that we don’t deserve it or that it is not for us, due to the environment, the lack of self-confidence, a very few support and more. I remember listening to some of my girlfriends wondering why this amazing man likes them… Why them? What is that special about them? Fake humility or not, these thoughts are blocking their path to happiness, because at some point, they more or less think they are true.
I have another friend who called herself an “asshole” because things come to her life easily and she thinks that she doesn’t deserve them because people always remind her that she got “everything easily”. That nurtures a feeling of guilt because fool says one day that you have to “work hard” or “suffer” to get what you what… If it’s easy, it is “too good to be true”. Thank life, this not always the case. Plus you have to see the difference between easy and simple. Even if things might not that often come easily, they can come as simple as that.
Some people are having hard time making peace with their past and healing their wounds to accept the present and embrace the future. It is so simple to hold grudges while it is way harder to work on happiness. Your past is THE past past and “negative” experiences should be considered as lessons that you need to learn. If you trust yourself and learn the right way, you should be confident about getting new experiences that will provide you the joy that you desire.
A lot of us want money for instance, but are afraid of how money could change them for good or bad. They are also scared that money could change their relationship with their people (judgement, critics, blames… and this is applicable not only for money), or bring them “rich people’s problems”. With money comes responsibilities… same goes with happinessˆˆ And some people just want money without doing anything to get it! Ja-ja-ja!
When I was 20 or 21, I can’t really remember… My life was getting better “out of nowhere”! I used to live in a very specific environment where trying times, sorrow and violence where my comfort zone. Unconsciously, I decided that I couldn’t take it anymore and I started to change my life… But around me, nothing really changed… at least not for good. My people’s lives were chaotic and I felt so guilty for me being happy. I got depressed (for one day and a half) and I cried so much. I didn’t even know why I was crying for. My heart was so heavy… I didn’t like to see my family sad while I was happy. I wanted to trade my happiness for their sadness… I’d rather see them in fulfilled and take all their negative weight on my shoulders. Gosh! That was painful. And luckily, I had a conversation with my aunt who told me that I had the right to be happy and I shouldn’t want to take people’s pain because I deserve happiness. Nobody deserves happiness more than me. I will always carry those words in my heart.
The Unknown is pretty scary as well. I hear a lot of “what if it doesn’t work?” and I always answer “what if it does?” We are trained to think negative to protect ourselves in case it doesn’t work out BUT we are not trained to accept happiness if/ when it comes. That is something that we have to figure out on our owns. And it is not that easy. It is simple but not easy. How to behave when wonderful things are coming at you and all you experienced in your life were failures, betrayals, punches from life, misery and so on? Nobody taught us to welcome prosperity, successful business, money, love, goals etc. A lot of people get depressed over a sudden positive life change. Look at the people who win the lottery: a lot of them squander their new fortune and/ or end up in mental health services.
Unless your comfort zone is your happiness, that little one definitely holds you back from the pursuit of happiness. You do want something so bad but to get it, it will require some efforts and to get out of your comfy zone, which is scary (do you see the circle???) because you never experienced the process of doing what it takes to get it: unknown… Hum… We usually start to feel again when we quit the comfort zone. That is when the excitement comes back. You should try if you haven’tˆˆ New experience, new sensations, new you, discoveries, adrenaline, self growth etc… Oh my, oh my… It’s wonderful!
Let me share with you this: few months ago, I realized that I wasn’t ready for a serious relationship, while I wanted one so bad. But deep down I was sabotaging or picking up intentionally the wrong men for me, because I knew it wouldn’t work out so I couldn’t blame myself. Until I met this man that was just hot! We clearly didn’t have anything in common (ok, just few things) except being super hot (jajaja). I dated him without asking myself any questions because I knew, but it was just easier for me. And when I decided to cut him off because he gave me what I asked for: nothing, I asked myself why in the world do I do that to myself? And I admitted that is because I don’t want to be in a relationship. So I asked myself why, because I thought that a healthy relationship would make me happier. And I understand that is because I was scared! Not because I’ve been hurt by men, but childhood traumas. That was an epiphany! Then I worked on myself and got ready… In theory. So I asked the Universe AND my spirit guides and ancestors to put myself in practice (always be careful of what you ask for). Then I met this man, that I PRACTICED with. The first date was so great that I freaked out! Too smooth, too easy, too great, too positive. I “didn’t like it” because nothing was wrong… What the heck??? Yeah I wasn’t used to that and I wasn’t used to get what I wanted in terms of relationships. I had butterflies like a teenager and I felt happy. My instinct and old habits told me to be scared. So I decided to turn my self-sabotage mode on. Fortunately, I spoke with a friend of mine who yelled at me because self-sabotaging is no bueno. I realized that I wasn’t as ready as I thought in front of someone that I thought who was. Funny thing is that he wasn’t either after all (we kind of were each other’s mirror). But I worked on myself and two days later on was on the ready mode —–>>> happy mode!
These are just few explanations about why we are not ready for happiness, and for you not to be too hard on yourself and accept that you have all the reasons of the world to be unready!
Being ready, even for happiness, is not natural. You are NOT born ready. You learn how to be and if not, you need to reprogram yourself. That would be such a shame if you keep repeating the same patterns and miss the opportunity to enjoy the life that you really wish to have.
This is something that I can really help you will with my program RE <—- click click.
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That’s all for me my royal peacocks! I’m going to sleep. Remember to be grateful, mindful, generous, considering and drink plenty of water!
Peace n Kiss.
Bonjour my cutie peacocks.
Hope that you are enjoying the last month of 2020. It feels weird to be now in December. We had quite a catastrophic, crazy, interesting, lonely, sad as fuck, chill, different, epiphanic year. We lost, we gain, we realized, we changed, we evolved, we took risk, we learned, we appreciated, we took decisions, we discovered… Today I wanted to discuss with you about repartenting, because it is one of the main keys of the healing journey. We might have sometimes some neglating or destructive behaviors towards ourselves due to childhood wounds. As mature, adult, reponsible as we are; it happens that the younger version of ourselves reacts immaturaly to some situations. And it is because our Inner-child has been hurt about something we haven’t healed from, so an uncontrolled feeling resurfaces, and we are just unable to react as a grown up because the wound is still there, opened and sometimes bloody.
As amazing as our parents has been as parents, mentors, guides, nurturers, providers and so on, they were not perfect (they are Humans). I won’t trigger the parents who did not fulfill their roles as parents, because I am not here to judge any situation. I am refering to the parents or parental figures who raised you the best way they could (once again, nobody is perfect) to make you the person that you are today. With all the efforts they put to make you a decent Human Being, they couldn’t meet all your expectations. They couldn’t satisfy all your need as a child for many different reasons. And it might have happened that they couldn’t figure out what was important to you while it wasn’t that primordial to them. They did what they could (some people have a very low level of parenting and their max can seem extremely low as well…) It was just too hard for them. It resulted a good amount of negligence at many levels. However, our ultimate goal is to remain alive until our last call. This is why, to move forward in life, we tend to compensate our lacks with something else while denying because we are survival mode.
You might have noticed some of your “issues” but couldn’t spot where them came from, and a lot of them are due to some lacks that you experienced during your first years on Earth. I am going to give you a personal example. When I was a child, as much as I love my Mom (to death ok?!), this woman drastically failed me in terms of self care!!! I have a lot of physical issues because, everytime I hurt myself, she never really took me to the dorctor because she said I could do it alone and by myself (wa are not that far from child abuse right?!). So, sometimes I went to the doctor alone, but I never followed up, followed the instructions because it is hard to do so when you are 9 years old! Most of the time I simply gave up at going to the practitian because I didn’t really know what to say, what to do, how to behave. Or another case was the fact that she never really care about my hair (she still doesn’t know how to do hair… pooor Lya!). This has never been a priority for me and it made me neglating my hairstyles. The results of these neglegences are that as an adult, I really had to force myself to take care of my body and injuries. For my hair, that is another story (especially as a Black woman), I am still fighting with myself to take care of my hair. I am torn between “I don’t care” and “OMG! This is super ambarrassing…” When my hair weren’t not well done (most of the time), I could feel quite insecured. I am a pretty confident woman but if my hair is not decent, I get pretty insecure (until I don’t give 3 shits). As unimportant as it seems, when my hairstyle is bad, it brings me back some negative shameful emotions and feelings that I had as a child, and BOOM: anxiety, poor confidence, curl up… I could spot that discomfort and I decided to reparent myself…
Hummm what in the world does “reparenting” means??? Here is a definition for you my peacocks: “Reparenting is a form of psychotherapy in which the therapist actively assumes the role of a new or surrogate parental figure for the client, in order to treat psychological disturbances caused by defective, even abusive, parenting.”
But this practice has been very controversal because it creates dependence from the patient and it messes up the relationship between the professional and the client. I personally see something very toxic in that practice. It is like healing yourself with another drug…
Reparenting yourself is a very healthy practice, because you spot where your parent didn’t protect/ carry/ nurture/ take care/ affectionate/ value you the way you expected. It is a very vulnerable step but extremely important. Then you just fullfil the lack! Jajajaja it seems so easy written like that.
Let me detail a little bit more for you: once you identify a “dysfunction” in your childhood, I suggest you to talk to your Inner-child, and/ or write a letter to let him know that you understand how she/ he feels, that you will take care of her/ him and will not let her/ him down. Your Inner-child needs to be comforted, it is very important that she/ he feels safe with you. Then re-learn how to take care of that Inner-child of yours and repair the damages. It seems very easy summarized like that in few sentences but it can be a long and intense process because you have to acknoledge some wounds and feel them. You might have to go where you don’t want to go but it is saving and worthy. Like that, you kind of become your own parent and you learn self-care.
But like any parent , no one is perfect and you will need guidance. And as a créative wellness coach, I can help you with my program “RE“. I prefer to warn you: I will not be a parent substitute, I do not believe in that method. I believe that you are strong enough to reparent yourself. What I will do is to mentor you, guide you and give you all the tools for reparenting. We will do this together at your pace. I hear a lot of time that parents want to give to their children what they didn’t have. What about giving yourself what you didn’t have?
That’s all for me my sweet peacocks! I have to go bake my pizzaˆˆ
Enjoy your day and the rest of your week. If you want to subscribe to my newsletter: boom !!!! <—– (click on “boom”).
Don’t forget to take care of yourself, stay warm and healthy. Do something that you love, accept love and keep the energy flowing. Aaaaand drink plenty of water!
Peace n kiss.
Bonjour my wonderful peacocks!
Hope you are doing good and that your vibrations and energy are up up up!
Since I focus my coaching on aligning your body, your mind, your soul and your emotions, let me explain how important it is for you, boss babes, to have your 4 Dimensions aligned… (Body Mind Soul Emotions if you don’t follow^^).
Don’t you worry, I am not going to take you to a super spiritual level, we are going to stay here on Earth.
First of all, let’s look at definitions together.
ALIGNMENT: Arrangement in a straight line, or in correct or appropriate relative positions. A position of agreement or alliance.
BODY: The physical structure of a person or an animal, including the bones, flesh, and organs. The physical and mortal aspect of a person as opposed to the soul or spirit.
MIND: The element of a person that enables them to be aware of the world and their experiences, to think, and to feel; the faculty of consciousness and thought. A person’s mental processes contrasted with physical action.
SOUL: The spiritual or immaterial part of a human being or animal, regarded as immortal. A person’s moral or emotional nature or sense of identity. Emotional or intellectual energy or intensity, especially as revealed in a work of art or an artistic performance.
EMOTION: A natural instinctive state of mind deriving from one’s circumstances, mood, or relationships with others.
Now that we are done with English class, let’s go to Latin and Greek class!… No I’m just kidding.
But more seriously, you, as a person, are composed by these 4 dimensions. Your body is your primary and only home. Your mind is what makes your body functions. Your soul is your Higher-self, your intuition (that guy who never fools you). And your emotions are what make feel life, people and things.
In your business, like in your life, it is very important to be balanced and aligned, otherwise something is missing in your life and you feel incomplete.
Do I need to remind you the importance of a healthy body? Really? We are not talking about looking like Beyoncé or Tyson Beckford, we refer to HEALTH. It means, a great balanced diet with organic products (as pricey as they are)/ good fat/ proteins/ vitamins/ minerals/ carbs etc. A great amount of sleep because if you think that you will rest once dead… You might reach that goal faster than expected. So please, get enough sleep. If you can take a nap, go for it, it is very regenerating, and look at babies: THEY NAP! My wonderful peacocks, You need to drink water. I will never stop writing/ saying that you need to drink your gallon-ish of water. And if you are one of those who don’t like water: DRINK WATER! What you want is not always good for you and what is good for you is not always what you want^^. If you can ban sodas forever, that would be great (same for alcohol… I’m just sayin’…). For all your joints, your heart and other organs, please, try not to let yourself go in the overweight circle. No body shaming here, I am talking about health, no physical appearance. Same if you are underweight. Your body need a certain amount of water, fat, muscles etc according to your morphology. And you want to be able to walk, to run, to jump, to do whatever you wish with your body, keep a good stamina, excel… If you have a beautiful house/ apartment that you take care of, that you clean and renovate, you want to do the the with your true only home: your body. And having a healthy body can help you to get more confidence, to be more grounded, to push you to care good care also of your mind and your soul. You want your in and out to be amazing for you. (And of course it goes with drugs, tobacco, refined sugar, unhealthy sex because you do not want some type of energies…)
Now your mind… What about your mind? Your dear and cherished mind… Your mind is you without being you! Weird right? Your mind sometimes makes you things you don’t want to or doesn’t obey to what you want… Your mind, aligned to your body, keeps you alive, trains you, makes decisions, thinks, prevents etc etc. Your mind has to be straight and strong (and healthy), especially as a leader of a enterprise/ a family/ a group…
Something amazing about life is that you will never stop learning. You can train your brain until the very end. And you actually need to train your brain, otherwise you will be less and less efficient. Studies shows that if you stop challenging your mind, your physical and mental abilities go away and it is harder than what you think to have them back (except for biking^^). For instance, if you used to dance and you stop for quite a long time, your body will have to re-adapt and you will have to go back to training to have your mojo back. Same for everything. Your mind will have to reconnect to your body for you to re-perform. Now you see the link between body and mind: coordination. I refer to dance bu it is clearly adaptable to anything.
And the food that you put in your body affects directly your brain, your cells, your concentration, your skills… If your body is damaged, your brain can not execute what you would like to do. And if your mind is damages, you will do some shitty evil things, and we don’t want to do that. We want to be good people (balanced people). If your brain is damage, your body won’t function properly.
Let’s “talk” about the Soul: your Higher-self… Pretty touchy topic so I won’t go to deep because everybody has her/his own beliefs/ religion/ spirituality but, I think we can all agree on believing in oneself.
If you are alive and you decided to own a company, the be CEO of one, or to have kids or an organization or whatsoever, it is because at some point, you have faith in yourself. You know that you are capable of doing and that you are worthy ←————– This, is the soul. That one that is ALWAYS right (if you are wrong, it is because you listened to your heart or your brain^^). Your soul can and has to be nourished. How? It depends, it can be different for anyone, but that is a conversation that we can have in private because there is no right or wrong and it is very personal. Your soul is what keeps you balanced, connected and grounded. Your soul is what will give you compassion when you sometimes your mind takes way too a harsh decision.Your soul is the purest level of you. It is that strong-vulnerable part of you. Your soul is your peace, your hope, your wisdom, your Candide side and your Inner child. You need to protect it from so many external forces. Like your body and your mind, you need to train your soul, but very differently, because while you need to be physically and mentally stronger, you need to maintain a softer and elevated soul. Meditation, creativity, activities, reading, learning, sacral sex, good food for your soul are ideas to help you to respect your soul. And actually, pleasant food is great for your soul! Occasionally, we need comfort food for our soul to feel way better when the soul and/ or emotions are hurt. That is another reason why you need balanced food more than clean food. It happens that, for many reasons, we know that only this “bad” food is going to make us feeling sooooo good, so we need it once in a while, and we immediately feel better after delecting. Healthy food doesn’t mean boring food. You are not boring, you soul is not boring, so your diet shouldn’t be boring.
The last but not the least: the emotions… The ones we tend to be the most reluctant to… Our Achilles’ heel… A lot of us are SO afraid because they think that they are going to be betrayed, disrespected, hurt and so on if they show their emotions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of truth but fortunately, it has been proven so many times that we need express our emotions. And like body, mind and soul, emotions can be tamed, trained. You don’t feel the same for everything and you shouldn’t react with the same intensity to people or situations. Our emotions are here to make us compassionate, or a total asshole, to appreciate people and things, or to depict them. Emotions are also here to express when we are mad, afraid, disgusted, happy, sad, surprised, contempt… Emotions are the proof that we are alive. We need to communicate them, if not, we will end up with a lot of dysfunctional behaviors… A LOT: violence, addiction, defective sexual conducts, psychosomatic issues, mental issues and so much more.
In other words, your emotions will help you to keep your sanity, interact with others and make your world better… Or worst. It just depends on how you use them, balance them and train yourself. Not easy but doable. As a great philosopher once said: “Nothing comes easy, it takes much practice” – Nas – “I Can”.
If you are happy today, your day will be better, you will feel more amazing than, you will be nicer, more volunteer, your mood will be at its top, you will want to make the world a better place, eat better, exercise, do something for the community, treat yourself, please the others, be generous, create, etc etc etc etc. Your emotions will set your mood, and your mood will set your soul, and your soul will set your mind, and your mind will set you body, and your body will set your emotions… It is a circle. And it goes with all the emotions.
So what happens if you are not aligned? It is not a big deal right?!? You can still make money, you can still provide for the others, you can still do whatchu gotta do. But what about YOU? How do you feel if you know that something is off? Why do you need to keep being in the dark? It is not a fate and you have the right to be in peace and serene (and happy incidentally). That sacrifice of yours is not worth it and you shouldn’t look at your life decades from now and regret that you didn’t take care of your alignment. If you suffer from inside, it is no bueno and it is time to take actions in order to take care of your wonderful self.
You need to find why you are not aligned. And I can guide you in that journey: spotting the why and we will find solutions together. Money shouldn’t be your only goal, pleasing the others either. You should be your primary goal and that is how you will be the best for your life mission.
I created a unique method “Re” to guide you to align your 4 dimensions, balanced your personal life and professional activity, with a holistic creative approach: http://www.lyapouleyy.com/wcc/ .
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That’s all for me beautiful Beings. Have a beautiful Monday, keep your energy up, think about the positive, focus on yourself and what matters to you, be creative, be active and drink plenty of water!
Peace and kiss.
Bonjour my powerful peacocks!
Hope you are remaining strong, positive, motivated and optimistic.
Today we are going to talk about problems and perspective…
As a (future) successful BOSS, you face problems pretty much every single day of your life. Some of you might wake up each morning and wonder what crazy shit will happen today… What problem, obstacle, issue, you name it, you will face today, this week, this year!
I am a pretty optimistic person and I like to look at the half full glass. While a lot of people see problems, I see lessons. (Un)fortunately, we are on the Earth to learn life lessons and we will never stop learning. That is how I see life: we live and we learn, but we persistently, tend to learn the hard way. When life send us cute little signs, we neglect them or worst, we totally deny them.
This is how life works (that sounds deep): we come on this planet with an unlimited (because we don’t know how much) amount of experiences to live and lessons to learn. This lessons are here to make us better Beings. If you pay enough attention and if you listen to your intuition, you won’t have really hard lessons to learn BUT if you don’t learn your lessons, they will come harder and harder back at you until you get it (damn it!).
I love providing that example:
You are born, you learn how to walk, you parents always told you to pay attention once you cross the street but your stubborn ass doesn’t listen (oops excuse my French). So one day, you get a smart phone, and every time when you cross the street, instead of focusing on the street, the road and the vehicles, the other pedestrians, you focus on your damn phone and you just intersect as an unconscious person. The very first time, you will hit a rock and stumble. Yet, instead of thinking that you should be careful, you curse at the rock… The next time, you hit a tree branch and this time you fall. But once again, you blame everything but yourself and you keep not paying attention to the street, as if your phone was the most important thing in the world! Then you still don’t decide that it is time to walk down the road with your phone in your pockets for instance, you bump into someone… This time it doesn’t really hurt but start an argument with someone, BUT you still don’t figure out that should keep your eyes on the street. Then you get hit by a bike and your injury is a bit more serious. But you keep going on with that phone of yours… Then it is a car that strikes you, and you have to go to the hospital because you are in a pretty bad shape. In your hospital bed, you have ALL THE TIME OF THE WORLD to think about why you are “so unlucky”. You think about evil eye, you think about how dangerous, disrespectful and crazy this world is. You think about all the craziest and most implausible explanations, but you as responsible for what happens doesn’t even cross your mind! Eventually one day, you are back on track in a pretty good physical shape, but your mind is obviously not ok since you keep on crossing with your eyes still riveted on your “boo” (your phone), and this time a truck strikes you but that time, you run out of chance to learn, that was your last opportunity… GAME OVER!
We don’t need to go that far to understand what is happening in our lives, we shouldn’t wait for the worst to change.
Sometimes, little situations become big problems because we don’t learn and react on time to fix what does need to be fixed. It also happens, a few times, that the lesson comes harder right away but it is always to teach us something for us to grow (or you are just suffer the collateral damages of a bigger lesson that someone else has to learn). So after moaning: “Why is this happening to me?”, after being sorry for yourself (because you have the right to… But not for too long), you need to find the lesson to learn. Use your wisdom, you have a lot of it! Think deeply and honestly about the situation, drop the ego (this is a conversation between you and yourself, so be honest with yourself). Meditate. You can still ask people you trust and who speak their truth (but be ready of their answers). Once you stop lying to yourself about the problems you face, you won’t see them as problem but as allies/ situations that will elevate you, that will make you a better self an better business person.
You already know that the apple never falls too far from the tree. The solution is closer than you imagine, and most of the time, it is inside of you…
It takes practice, time, realization, help, to change your perspective about problems and see them as a ultimate way of growth. That is something I can guide you through with my method “RE”. For more information: http://www.lyapouleyy.com/wcc/
That’s all for me my peacocks. Feel free to shoot a message. In the mean time: please exercise, do something that you love, give love, accept love, respect life, practice gratitude and drink water!
Peace n kiss
Bonjour my amazing peacocks!!!
Today I was talking to one of my very good entrepreneur friends. Among our multiple topics, we have, of course started to talk about love and relationships. (I hope my friends are not going to get offended because they inspire me a lot). My friend had unfortunately her heart broken, on the top of all the 2020 craziness and her personal life. So she felt betrayed and abandoned by this “not so cool, not so cute, stupid” man, at a vulnerable moment of her life. She was victim of love bombing. I could really feel her pain because I’ve been there… You know, you meet a guy (or a chick), you become very close: text many times a day from good morning to good night, phone calls, you see each other a lot, he/she is very understanding, caring, affectionate… He/she understands your entrepreneurship, respects it, supports it and values it. Then you share physical and emotional intimacy… You realize that this person is everything you asked for, you needed that type of connection.
As a business person, you need someone who has your back and acknowledges you. Being around a special someone is necessary because it can’t be all about your business, you need to balance and to be you, not just someone who makes money. You need to disconnect from your duties and connect with someone at another level. With the countless hours of work, you simply need love.
And one day, out of nowhere, this person says it is over… Why? Just because he/she realizes he/she is not ready… Really? What the hell??? And this person cancels of you as if you never existed… Most of the time, that person is mentally and emotionally immature. You know it simply because of the way they treat you. People simply get away with a simple “I’m sorry”. They reject any responsibility and want to make you feel like the crazy needy one. You can not come into somebody’s life, share deep and intimate moments and simply decide to take of because you are suddenly scare because it is getting serious! Never forget that Karma is a bitch and it will strike when you won’t expect it. The new selfish theories will tell you that no one is responsible for your happiness and bla bla bla, but you are not here alone on that Earth, we all are a whole and we are responsible for ourselves but also for the impact that we choose to have in people’s lives. So you shouldn’t feel bad for trusting and enjoying being in a “relationship”. There was nothing wrong with you, that person was a predator and knew how to play with your emotions and vulnerabilities for their own interests.
So I comforted my friend the best way I could. THEN I got pissed when she mentioned that she can’t wait to see her “Gary”… And now you will ask: “Lya, what is a “Gary’?” A Gary is this motherfucker who had no intention to build something with you but who played you from the very beginning. A “Gary” will be an amazing support, but will never want to commit to you. He will have a deep non serious relationship with you, he will build feelings for you, he will be there for you but he will NEVER make you his partner. He will tell you what you need to hear and fall for you at some point. But he will commit to someone else. He will have the relationship you always dreamed of with someone else, and will call you back once his relationship is over… And since you have deep feelings for “Gary” because he caught your heart at your lowest moment, you will always welcome “Gary” back in your life, even if you know he is toxic for you, and that HE DOESN’T WANT YOU. He probably wants 48% of you, which is enough for you to keep being around. (Don’t see anything personal here, not my story and I picked up “Gary” because they’re usually mean in the series/movies). So now she plans to see her “Gary” to comfort her, knowing that he has broken her heart for I can’t even count how many times… She told him how she loved him and stuff, that she was ready and will always be ready for him but he always rejected her and kept her only for the good times (side chick). She tried to distance herself from him but, when you are vulnerable and you need love, support, affection, AND when you go through a break-up, you have the tendency to call back the wrong people.
I have been there too (not with a ‘Gary” though, I have my other demons^^) that is why I do my best not too be to judgy…
But us, business owner (and any other people), need to be as disciplined in our projects as with our hearts, because we can’t afford to be emotionally broken if we want to grow, success and sustain. I am not saying that we have to be cold-hearted and not to take risk by trying a new relationship; but don’t go to the same ugly nasty diarrhea that you perfectly know! Even if it is hard as hell, that you need comfort, physical – emotional links, and that you are vulnerable and that nobody understands you and… and… and… : DO NOT GO BACK TO GARY!!!!! Unless you are clear with your feelings and you are 10000% that you won’t be devastated after he hurts you one more time (you actually, are the one who is hurting yourself by repeating the same shitty patterns). If you know that you still have feelings for “Gary” (as “little” as they are), save your safe yourself some pain (and dignity), and use you brain more than your fears. Fears will always lead you to “Gary”.
Your enterprise is way too precious and important (no matter what stage you are at) for you to jeopardize it with some fearful decisions. Your “Gary” is your comfort zone. He is the devil that you know, and the next one is not going to be another one if you pick up wisely combining your mind, emotions and soul. Someone better than “Gary” deserve your time, energy, consideration, love. Even if the next one is not the right one, this one will be more preferable, unless you repeat the same patterns… (then you have to break the cycle). It is all about fears after all. It is not easy to be alone, but if you prefer to be with the SUPER WRONG one than being on your own… darling, you have some inner work to do. Very hard but mandatory because you are worthy.
Don’t forget, we are here to build a well rounded life, not to have a successful business and a shitty living experience.
Don’t forget that everything is about balance, not perfection.
That’s all for me because I could keep writing and writing and writing and writing… But once again, you’ve got my point^^
Have a beautiful day/night/week and don’t forget to do something that you love, to be around people who loves you and that you love, to exercise, to balance your food, to stay focus and discipline AND to drink plenty of water!
Peace n kiss.
Bonjour my peacocks!!!
I hope that you are doing well, that you are healthy and in peace… Today I am here to disturb your peace at some point… I want to talk to you about the hurtful truth about entrepreneurship. As an entrepreneur myself, I have been to quite good successes at my level but also, I have been to some failures (turned to be great lessons).
I heard and red a lot about “how to be an entrepreneur” or “7 signs you are ready to start your own business” and more… If you Google these, it means that you are ready to be ready to start something new. But unfortunately, I also heard a lot:” Lya, you’re so lucky, you do what you love…”, “That’s your passion, so it doesn’t count…” etc etc. But DAMN!!!! Accounting, legal stuff, marketing for example are definitely NOT my passion but I have to do it all!
I know 2020 is just the perfect time to start a new venture… That’s what a lot of people think, and I think it too BUT having THE idea, the motivation, some savings, this epiphany is great but so not enough…
Not later than last week (November 2020), one of my acquaintances told me that she wanted to start a new business because she is tired of her life… I heard her so many times saying that, that I barely listen now… But this time she said that she is serious about it. So I tried to warn her about the reality of starting a new business and how difficult and challenging it is. Sure it is an amazing journey, but you need to be mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually solid to be your own boss. And as I already knew, she was in total denial with the hardness of being an entrepreneur… I just wished her good luck and sent her a lot of love and support!
I also heard many times people complaining about their salary:” If I make $4000 a month, it means that my worth is really $8000…” WHO THE HELL TOLD YOU THAT??? Do you know how much time, money, energy, sweat and tears it took your boss to create your job? You haven’t thought about that one huh?!? Your boss had to create a company for you to get that job… And to create that company, it costed her/him a lot of money, a lot of headaches, a lot of failures, a lot of doubts, trainings, lawyers and legal annoying meeting, a lot of trials… a lot of everything! (Of course I’m not talking about the bosses who makes billions and really underpay their employees).
So if you think that you are exploited by your boss, that you can’t stand your co-workers anymore, that you have a bigger purpose and mission than working for someone else: hey it is your time to shine! But I just want you to understand that the entrepreneurial journey is not just fancy, glamorous, sexy and cool! This is just the visible part of the iceberg.
An entrepreneurial mindset is being aware that you are going through a lot! It is an emotional and mental rollercoaster. You will first of all, make sure that your idea is not only a great idea for you but it is a great idea that will serve a community, a large panel of people. Don’t forget that you don’t do business just for you (I truly hope that you won’t be your one and only customer!). You have to study a market and make sure that you answer a demand OR that your product and/or service will be very much needed. For instance, I do not recommend to open a pet shop in a neighborhood with few pets owners, and where they lack more grocery stores and other useful shops than a pet shop that is not primordial to the area.
Then, you have to make people try your products/ services. You need feedback on your offer: if it is valuable, buyable, necessary, if it creates a need, what can be improved etc.
You have to understand that being your own boss is a loooong ass journey! It is extremely hard to be profitable in a very short period of time. You need to learn patience (and meditate). My wish for you is to get profitable as soon as you start, but let’s be realistic: it might not happen. It is not a sprint, it is a marathon^^
Fear should not hold you back to do what needs to be done. Everybody is afraid, it is a normal, natural and necessary feeling. But you have to overcome that feeling. Just get rid of your limiting thoughts (so easy to write right?!?). As a business person, you will take numerous risks… Choose them wisely.
You will go through a lot of doubts and you will probably “fail” many time during the process, but this failures will be lessons for your business to be at its best. That is why it is extremely important that you balance your life, that you take care of your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health; otherwise you will just drown. The so called “me time” is extremely important when most of your time is dedicated to the others. And that is the reason why I do what I do: I guide you to self-care, self-love, self-esteem, self-healing through holistic and creative activities.
Surround yourself with other SERIOUS entrepreneurs, more advance (it is always better) or who just started like you but who are on their way to success. And please, please, PLEASE remove toxic people from your life. The last thing you need, is having in your circle, people who do not believe in you, who doubt you or are jealous that you are changing and not them. That you are doing and not them. People who undervalue you or don’t see your true potential because they, at some point, are struggling in their lives, are definitely not needed. It might be hard to distance yourself from them but this is how you evolve. The entrepreneur life is hard and stressful enough, you will have a good amount of doubts and uncertainty, so you don’t need anyone else to bring extra negative feelings in your life. Negative, pessimistic, problems finder people are not welcome into your life.
You might also be misunderstood by your peers, and in serious lag because you don’t have a 9 to 5 anymore. The good thing is that you will create your own schedule BUT you need to have strong discipline to keep up with your schedule.
You know, a lot of people will tell you that you can learn everything on YouTube and Google and books. There are a lot of free information out there. This is true but not only. If you want to make money: invest in yourself, invest in your business. First thing first, invest in a mentor: this is the key! He/she will show you the way to make profit and sustain your business. A mentor will teach you a lot, and once again, choose wisely. Do your homework for that, dig, dig and keep digging. You have a lot of ‘online, YouTube, Instagram and Facebook mentors’ nowadays…. It’s like everybody is a biz expert, a biz coach… Be careful of the clowns because there are a lot of them out there. I’m not a business coach so I can’t advice you on that, but I can smell the frauds. Since I don’t have money to waste, I’m very careful where I invest my money. For example, I signed up for the ” Business Class” by Sophia Amorouso. If you don’t know that girl boss, I invite to do your homework on her. She is an incredible business woman and I am beyond satisfied with her online class, that is really what I needed for my business. And it made me realize that I also need a one on one mentor because I like to have someone only focusing on me (and I got one). And trust me, it is way better than figuring everything out on your own for years. Your mentor will save you a lot of time and money.
It is very important that you belong to a community, so don’t forget to network, and networking is an investment, once again^^
If you can, invest in a graphic and web designer, community manager, accountant, lawyer, PR etc. But if you can’t… That is why entrepreneurship is hard af! Because at first, you have to do it all on your own! And think about a clear vision on your own of each aspect of your venture, not just the cool parts. You will spend way much more time working on your business than actually exercising it. It is a hard reality but the truth hurts! Just look at your favorite singer, their teams spend way more time on promoting, marketing than the artist performs. If you are not willing to dedicate countless hours to the “back office” of your business, just keep your job. You will do 6 people full time jobs on the top of yours (now do you remember when you only had ONE job to do at the company you were/are working at?) You probably think that I am over reacting but I am soooo not. Until you make enough money to hire people (or find great people to work with you for free or in exchange of something) you will have to work your ass off on a lot of duties you will probably despise. If you do not like marketing, promoting… You are screwed! This where you will spend most of your time. I have some people rejecting to work on their marketing, thinking than one little post per week on Instagram will bring them success, but then, they complain about their business not going anywhere… They prefer to focus only on what they like and are good at. Once again, owning a business is not an easy peasy thing. Most of the entrepreneurs will tell you that they have to spend more time on promoting than anything else (or pay for promotion). Look at all the promoting emails, mails, ads you receive everyday by multi-million dollars companies. They apply the same strategy over and over. You can have the best idea, be the best at what you do, but if no one knows you…
But marketing is not everything. You have to be and look trustworthy! So work intensely and deeply on your business. You need to own your street credibility (“street-cred” in Frecnh slang)
And once again, you will NEVER stop learning, going to workshops and trainings, being mentored… You will spend a lot of time digging on your business, understanding new strategies and methods, learning about your clients, the society needs and so on…
Oh… and DROP THE EGO!!! Ego is related to fear! Ego is very different from pride, but this is going to be for another article. As I just mentioned before, you will learn a lot because you do not have innate knowledge. Your ideas can be improved and/or completely changed. Don’t forget that you are NOT your business. So if someone comes with a better idea that will help your project, don’t take it personal ;-p Your ideas don’t necessarily reflect you… Never forget that. Even if some of your ideas really suck, it doesn’t make you a wack person. They are just ideas, not the whole project. And even if you have done your 5 years plan, your business plan, seen the big picture: nothing is frozen, and everything evolve. 2020 is the leaving proof! How many of us had to completely rethink our lives? How many of us had everything organized and ready in 2020? They what happened?
Your venture will evolve along the time, don’t be closed minded and stretch it.
Sometimes I wish my mind would have been different and that I would be pleased in a
non-entrepreneurial career but I just can’t… I don’t complain but it is really hard BUT it is so much worth it! I love leading, helping and being MY OWN BOSS, with the pros and the cons… I take them all!
In the business world, there is no room for a faint heart. You would better turn your Yang on. And keep you Yin to balance your life and remain the good person that you are, and the healthy balance that you want to be.
And do me a favor: don’t neglect yourself! You are the most important piece of your business. Without you, there is no business. It is very important for you to balance your life, to take few breaks to practice activities that you love, to eat healthy, to socialize, to have conversations not related to your venture, to meet up with people who make you smile, to love and be loved. Don’t forget to practice gratitude, to express how you feel, to vent, to move, to dance, to laugh, to enjoy, to have fun, to rest and to drink plenty of water^^
I could keep going on significant examples that you need to consider before starting your business but I think that you’ve got the idea (wink wink!).
That’s all for me.
Peace and Kiss.
RESTART is a 1 year program created to reset your mind, to work on your: wounds, childhood traumas and problems. We will work together on your blockages, your fears, your doubts, your limiting thoughts, your patterns, the relationship with yourself, your body, your Inner-child and Higher-self. We will “destroy to rebuild”: it means that we will get rid of that shell that you created to protect yourself to be the person you are today (survival of the fittest mode), to rebuild the real you, the new you. The person who doesn’t want to survive anymore but wants to live! And it start with acknowledgment and acceptance. No more soldier, be a leader!
It is going to be hard and painful, but you will feel lighter, free from your PTSD.
If you are here today, it is because your shell is way too heavy for you or that your shell doesn’t protect you anymore… It consumes you more than it helps…
If everything that you tried doesn’t work or if what you have done over and over again is no longer benefiting you, it is then, time to change.
RESTART is 1 year long because I believe in a slow healing to deeply work on the change for your life.
This is a whole lifestyle that you will remodel from scratch.
This program is perfect for people who want to mend oneself sustainably.
RESTART for a well rounded life and a maximal alignment!
Body, Mind, Soul and Emotions healing is life-saving. You will make peace with your past and accept your present for a better future. You will learn to forgive in order to move on. You will learn acceptance and resilience and also learn how to let go. I will also teach you how drop your ego which is related to fear while keeping your pride. We will learn together how to balance, because everything is about balancing. I will guide you in the process of self-trust, self-love and self-care. The better you are and you feel, the more helpful to the others you are, the more productive you are, the more giving you are: are you ready to be a leader?
This one year coaching is based on creativity and intuition. Non-verbal self-expression ways where all your senses are involved, your subconscious, your instinct and clairvoyance.
Before we start RESTART, I will send you a “team work agreement”, because there is no magic, you need to want the change in your life and do your part for the coaching to be the most efficient possible. You have the power, I have the keys. You will also receive a survey and a first free phone consultation to understand your needs and to prepare our first session together.
You will receive 10 in-person sessions of 3 hours each, that includes: meditation, warm up, art & craft/ dance & body movement/ self-image understanding & healing/ food relationship reconnection/ cool down.
After each session, you will receive a report based on your evolution and your needs. At the end of the year, you will receive a complete personal report of our work together with observations, advice, tips, guidance and freebies to start the next chapter of your life.
All the material and equipment are provided.
Transportation fees apply outside Manhattan, NY.
Check the policies http://www.lyapouleyy.com/policies/
In total, you receive:
+ 1 hour phone call consultation
+ 30 hours in-person sessions (10 sessions)
+ 10 hours online group sessions (10 sessions)
+ access to the community group
+ 24 special newsletters with only members content.
+ 19 reports
+ 1 full personalized report with advice, tips, guidance and freebies (worth 30 hours)
You are an entrepreneur, business owner, CEO, independent on the edge of burning out …
You take care of everything, everybody but yourself…
You manage everything (or almost) on your own and and you don’t dedicate enough time for your well-being…
You have quite a successful (or very successful) business but you still feel incomplete…
Now that you are successful financially, you realize that money doesn’t really make you that happier…
Your business is growing exponentially but your personal life is not quite substantial…
You have hard times aligning your body, your mind, your soul and your emotions…
Balancing your life is really challenging for you…
You feel that you can be a way better version of yourself…
You ready to start a new healthy chapter of your life: healthier opportunity, healthier relationship with your business, healthier relationship with your beloved ones, but most of all, healthier relationship with yourself…
You have tried many times without success, now you are ready to be guided…
If you believe in yourself, in the power of a well rounded life, if you are are a creative soul: REDESIGN is for you!
During this 3 months program, you will listen to yourself, rediscover yourself, communicate with your Inner-child and Higher-self. You will also learn a new language: CREATION. I will guide you to self-expression with dance, art, movement, craft, body language, cooking, meditation and more.
You will understand the importance of self-care and how it will impact your life forever: healthy body, healthy mind, healthy soul, healthy heart. The ultimate combo to be a great leader on your scale.
Before we start REDESIGN, I will send you a “team work agreement”, because there is no magic, you need to want the change in your life, and do your part for the coaching to be the most efficient possible. You have the power, I have the keys. You will also receive a survey and a first free phone consultation to understand your needs and to prepare our first session together.
You will receive 4 in-person sessions of 3 hours each, that includes: meditation, warm up, art & craft/ dance & body movement/ self-image understanding & healing/ food relationship reconnection/ cool down.
After each session, you will receive a report based on your evolution and your needs. At the end of the 3 months, you will receive a complete personal report of our work together with observations, advice, tips, guidance and freebies to start the next chapter of your life.
All the material and equipment are provided.
Transportation fees apply outside Manhattan, NY.
Check the policies http://www.lyapouleyy.com/policies/
In total, you receive:
+ 1 hour phone call consultation
+ 12 hours in-person sessions (4 sessions)
+ 3 hours online group sessions (3 sessions)
+ access to the community group
+ 4 special newsletters with only members content.
+ 6 reports
+ 1 full personalized report with advice, tips, guidance and freebies (worth 10 hours)
You feel that it is the right time to change your life, you are determined but you don’t know how and where to start… You have tried many things on your own but you need guidance, motivation and the right tools…
You are going to a very rough phase of your life, you feel like many things are going wrong and you need to find the light inside and around you…
You are depressed and you need to see and feel some changes in your life. You feel like everything is foggy and you craving for clarity in your sky. You haven’t feel good in quite a long time and you need some positivity…
You need a quick and deep start that will energize and remotivate you to take care of yourself….
You can’t wait to see significant improvements in your life…
You want to explore new ways of communication, expression and self-care…
Then, REBOOST is for you!
REBOOST is a 7 days intensive program that will give you the impulse that you need, to actively help you starting your wellness journey. REBOOST is the impulse you need.
Before we start REBOOST, I will send you a “team work agreement”, because there is no magic, you need to want the change in your life and do your part for the coaching to be the most efficient. You have the power, I have the keys. You will also receive a survey and a first free phone consultation for me to understand your needs and to prepare our week together.
Then we will have a 2,5 hours sessions per day with: meditation, warm up, art & craft/ dance & body movement/ self-image understanding & healing/ food relationship reconnection/ cool down. We will create a unique schedule adapted to you.
After the REBOOST week, you will receive a complete personal report of our work together with observations, advice, tips, guidance and freebies to start the next chapter of your life.
You will also receive a discount to any offer from www.lyapouleyy.com (conditions apply).
All the material and equipment areprovided.
Transportation fees apply outside Manhattan, NY.
Check the policies http://www.lyapouleyy.com/policies/
In total, you receive:
+ 1 hour phone call consultation
+ 17,5 hours session (2,5 hours per day for 7 days)
+ full personalized report with advice, tips, guidance and freebies (worth 10 hours)
Bonjour my MAJESTUOUS peacocks! Hope you are doing well. This is Lya Pouleyy, your wellness
créative coach. This is my very first wellness post and I wanted to touch a very important subject to
I am not here to tell you that beauty is not important. Unfortunately and fortunately, it is. We are
Humans, we are sensitive to beauty, to what attracts our eye. Beauty arouses emotions that draw us
to a person, an object etc. As Humans who can see, vision is probably our primary sense. As a creative,
(and as myself) I LOVE beauty! I love what positively catches my eye and makes me enjoy what I see,
so I totally understand that anyone would appreciate to see somebody who looks good according to
NOW, my issue is when beauty becomes the most important thing in the world, and when “beauty”
remains more important than health!
Don’t get me wrong, I appreciate a lot when I receive compliments about the way I look, but what I
really value is when people acknowledge my health; when people take me as a reference of a healthy
person. For instance, unless a super duper crazy catastrophe, you will NOT see me trying to cover up
my skin issues. I will do my best to heal it instead of covering up with layers of make up, because
make up will just make the situation worst, plus: YOU DO NOT HIDE PROBLEMS, you fix them (as much
as it is fixable). Fixing, healing, takes time, but we learn how to do better for ourselves on the long run.
I took the skin issue as an example but I can relate that situation to anything that involves obsession
with beauty. I personally always make sure that my beauty touches are an improvement of my
appearance, not a game changer! I love myself way too much to face the “weird looks” of people
judging me without any artifices. I don’t want to look “sick” because I have no make up on. I always
need to love myself simply and naturally before anything else. No smoking, no drinking, no refine sugar,
plenty of water, juicing, smoothies, a lot of fruits and veggies help a lot! (Just look at Jlo^^)
I love “looking good” just to stay home by myself as much as I enjoy “looking good” when I go outside.
Two of my nieces, always have their make up done and their hair did… To stay home! I value and admire
that a lot, because they clearly do it for themselves. And they go out with no make up on. And to be
completely honest, I don’t give a damn about people out there, because we probably won’t see each
other ever again… AND THEY PROBABLY DON’T EVEN LOOK AT ME (and even if they did… Who cares?…
Not ME!). I know it is way easier to think that way when you have a sympathetic genetic capital, and
when you have a very strong mind.
Plus the society puts a lot of pressure on us (especially women), but we have to be stronger than that
for our sanity. Everybody is not good looking and that is perfectly fine. It should be fine. We shouldn’t
need to see physical beauty in every Human, because we ave so much more to offer. An ugly person is
not less lovable than a gorgeous motherf*cker.
And we tend to fade our lack of health with fake beauty… And this shouldn’t be acceptable. Yesterday,
I tried to watch a reality show to understand behaviors, I stopped after one episode because I just
can’t… And it was sad and not surprising that the girls were putting so much effort to look,
glamorous- gorgeous-f*ckable but the guys… They were wearing beach shorts, sport shirts and…
FLIP-FLOPS!!!! Men are luckier in the sense that they can afford to “only” look healthy (or wealthy),
they show that they workout (or not), and eat clean (or not). But these ladies looked so unhealthy but
glamorous. A lot of fake nails, fake hair (I do fake hair too), boobs jobs, lips jobs, nose jobs, cheap
dyed hair , heels etc. They were skinny but not toned, a looooot of make up to cover the messages
that their skins sent to them.
I am definitely not here to judge but to give my opinion (kind of the same jajajaja), I even if I “judge”, it
is just my opinion, and I do understand, I am open minded enough to understand THE WHY. But I just
want you to understand that your health should be your priority. Don’t look healthy, be healthy!!!! As
long as you are healthy, you are ultimately gorgeous. Listen to your body’s signs, accept who you are,
take REALLY care of yourself, embrace your perfect imperfections, celebrate what you love about
yourself (we are not here to be humble^^), and drink water ;-p
I could write more and go deeper but for now, I’d rather to exchange with you guys. No fight either
arguments, just genuine convos).
That’s all for me. I am going to enjoy that weather and bike a little bit.
Peace n Kiss.