Bonjour my beautiful Peacocks! It’s been forever right?!? I know, I know… I needed to do some strong inner work to come back healthier, with more clarity and a new direction. I won’t promise not to ever disappear because life is very unpredictable. But nothing bad happened, I was just applying to myself my coaching, and healing takes a lot of time, and I made this time for myself because I needed to see visible changes in my life…
The life that I wanted became my reality. How? I started to really trust the Universe AND myself! Simply as that^^ You really have to trust yourself, seriously! I learned how to let go of what is beyond my control and thanks to 2020, I understood that you can plan as much as you want, life will simply mess up your plans for something better.
So I was getting abundant, balanced, aligned, at peace, but the love aspect was still missing and I was working on it. I shifted the negative “what if?” to the positive “what if?” I mean that I came from: “what if it’s not working? to “what if it’s a total success?” And then I started to ask myself different questions, and came with different answers and positive endings. I also hired a business coach who after two sessions, told me :” Lya, you don’t have business issues, you have foundations issues” and I told him that it was exactly what I thought after the second session. So we agreed on rebuilding my foundations. Something that I was already working on, but with him, it was “easier”. That’s what I thought, until the Universe struck agaiiiiiiin! And it came at me REALLY hard. It was for me to break free, end up some patterns and childhood traumas… OMG I still can’t believe it!
Nothing is this world can disturb my peace more than my family, regardless the fact that I’m in good term or not with them. And this time, it was my father’s family… A family that I love so much but barely know. They needed me and I put my life on hold for them, despite the fact that I haven’t spoken to my father in 13 years. And seeing my father again was one of the MOST TRAUMATIC events of my life so far. I won’t go into details but what I can tell you is that, this event with my father’s family shook up my entire life, my soul… It was like I didn’t know what I wanted for myself anymore. I can tell you that I have been through shit in my life but I had never been that empty after facing a situation. I had no energy. I wasn’t depressed but empty as fuck! I was unbalanced, misaligned. I was foggy inside, like the biggest dark grey clouds. And I didn’t know what happened to me. It was like my soul gave up on me. I was so confused about my life, my present, my future.
So what did I do? I meditated a lot, rested a lot, painted a lot, kept working, pretended that I acknowledged what was happening, worked out, saw some people, danced, spoke to my family and friends about everything and anything, listened to some specific music with specific frequencies to raise my vibrations, been there for people etc. I did everything that the books, videos, podcasts would tell you to do. And did that work? ABSOLUTLY NOT!!!!!! But I have to say that all of these things helped me not to drown. They kept me from not being depressed. But I wasn’t feeling good at all.
And I was so mad at myself for not feeling better, being better. I was sooooooo soooooo mad! And one day I told myself: “Lya! You are a freaking life coach! What about applying your method to your damn self!??!” And then the journey started!
It was pretty hard because I felt like all I did in 2020 and 2021 was to do shadow work, and I was TIIIIRED of that! I didn’t want to do any more shadow work. But I fractionated it, so it was a bit easier.
Shadow work is exhausting because it is extremely deep, you have to go back to where it truly hurts. You need to be ready for that. I recommend for you to be guided by a coach or therapist if you can’t handle it on your own, because you keep digging and digging and digging until you spot the origin of your pain, your trauma. So there are a lot of “whys” and “how did that make you feel?”, a lot of cries and pain resurfacing. You are clearly having a deep introspection with your Inner Child, and this baby is on fire!
If you are interested, I can write more in another article about shadow work.
It is so important for you not to minimize how you feel, not to underestimate your pain. Please, stay away from “there is worst in the world”. You are not here to compare misery! And it won’t help you at all to think that way. And if anyone is telling you that, simply stay away from that person! You are not dumb, either narcissistic! You know that there is worst in this world, and knowing that won’t make you feel better. Knowing that people experience more pain in their lives is not making yours disappearing. Your pain is important. If you are in pain, don’t neglect it. Your Inner Child needs you and that is your job to take care of her/ him. I wrote an article about self reparenting: https://www.lyapouleyy.com/reparenting-yourself/ .
And take it easy. I know that in that society, we have to work, we are super busy and all of that, but if you don’t slow down or stop to take care of yourself, nobody will do it for you. Time won’t slow down for you. Accept to be powerless, empty, sad, traumatized, depressed etc. Accept any negative emotion. Don’t refrain them because it will just make things worst. Even if you have the worst thoughts, in that phase, let them flow but make sure that they just remain thoughts, not actions! We are not here to kill either hurt anyone here ok?!?
If you need to rest a lot, do it. I slept a looooot! And since I was not depressed, I made sure to keep my apartment clean. I even did some re-decorations to make me feel good.
Something I that really learned to do late 2020. My life has always been about the others because that is the way I have been raised. But last year (pretty late huh?!?) I realized that it wasn’t serving my purpose to put people first and to be a background character of my own life! I l have learned how to be the main character of my life. Funny thing because it is exactly what my North Node is about: being the main character of my life! My North Node is in Aries and South Node in Libra… At first it was really hard (and it still is sometimes) because I feel selfish and guilty for not being there for my people BUT my same people are happy when I am there for them even if it costs me a lot. I am not talking about all my people of course, but a lot of them. Some distanced themselves because I wasn’t there for them as much as I used to (and that is a good thing after all!), some feel betrayed, some don’t understand. But guess what? IT IS OK! If I don’t prioritize myself once again, no one will ever do it for me.
I practice self-care A LOT!!!! And thanks to my career, I have to take care of myself, my appearance. OMG it feels sooooo good, a real pleasure! And you know what? I experienced that when my energies were negative, it messed my gigs, my self care and people’s energies. The hairstylist messed up my hair, the nail artist messed up my nails, the director messed up the shoot etc. Mind you that I always work with them, my negative energy disrupted theirs. I also think that it is due to the increase of my energies (positive and negative) since I am more and more elevated.
Little by little, I cut off people who were taking the very few energy that I had. They weren’t supposed to know what I was going through, and I felt like I was suffocating and killing my Soul. So I simply cut them off, family included. Of course I felt very bad but now I can breath! I don’t carry any weight from others anymore but my own. I no longer want to carry anybody’s weight, and that is alrighty! I will come back whenever I feel ready, not before. I am not jeopardize my mental, emotional and spiritual health for anyone ever (maaayyyybe my kids).
I am very fortunate to have amazing people in my life! Some that I speak to regularly, and some that I speak to less often, but the love, appreciation and respect is still there. And they proved my once again that I have made the right choice! They are my people and not necessarily blood family, but they are my chosen family, and I am beyond grateful to have them.
And once again, I cut off with people who were acting like vampires.
Don’t feel ashamed to be vulnerable. Don’t feel ashamed to make it about you during the conversations because, obviously you are not okay and expressing your feelings is super important. You are not here in that situation to be a good listener. You need to be heard and supported. You need it.
And please, don’t waste your time to focus on who is not there for you. This is not the right time for this. Your goal is to heal, not to hold grudge. Plus, people have their own lives. Thus, don’t forget to check if your people are in the emotional, mental availability to support you during these trying times. It is all about you in your world but not in theirs! Respect if they can’t be there for you, don’t become a toxic motherf*cker to them!
Moreover you will be surprised by how someone will relate to what is happening in your life at this particular moment so you will be able to support each other: give and receive ♥♥♥. The Universe knows what It is doing^^ Communicate with the Universe, It will send you the right people. Trust.
Back to my roots: 90’s NYC rap!!!!! Wu Tang Clan, A Tribe Called Quest, Nas, Smif N Wessun, Busta Rhymes, Das EFX, Da Bush Babees etc etc. Best remedy ever for me to elevate my vibrations! You know when they say that you have to listen positive music, with a certain frequency bla bla bla… I won’t say that it is bullsh*t but I mean it jajajaja!!!!! Just listen to what keeps you alive! What makes you feel good, energetic. What bounces your soul, what makes you jump around, what boosts you! What brings you positivity. I tried whatever meditative music… It just kept me vibrations low and gave my nightmares… (what?!?!?)
But when I listen to my “old school Hip Hop”, I go back to the source of what I love (along with Soul Music). Nothing makes me feel better/alive that my “dangerous/violent music”. And nothing touches more my heart and soul than my Soul Music: Teddy Pandergrass, Sam Cook, Otis Redding, Donny Hattaway, Gladys Knight, Wendy Rene etc. and of course: my Boyz II Men! That is where it take my strength from. The vibrations are high back in no time! Find what music works best for you and then let’s talk about how you feel uplifted!
Nature is the real deal! No matter where you live. If you are a city person, go to a freaking park. Lay on the grass and enjoy! Just chill, place a phone call, listen to some music, meditate, don’t do shit, think, don’t think, dance, draw, move… Do whatever in that park.
Nature is powerful! Nature is everything that you need to reload yourself. Bike, hike, swim, ski, sky dive, do some fruit picking… You name it .Appreciate the Nature, talk to It, hug It, respect It, admire It, be grateful.
Break through the freaking feeling of guilt! Accept that you are changing. What you are going through is a phase for the new you, and you have to accept it and the process creates changes that go along with that. Set yourself free! You are changing for your own convenience, for a better life. I agree that it is not easy but you have to face that a better life is right in front of you. And there is no improvement without change. You will have to move forward lighter of pain, lighter of traumas, lighter of people, lighter of toxic situations. It can be scary and frustrating because you wish that you can take with you some people/ situation that you don’t want to be separated from but hey! Guess what?!? That is exactly how you grow and get out of your comfort zone. Some people and situations need to belong to your past, and need to stay in the past for a better future. Some people and situations need to stay in the economic seats while you are in business or first class. You might take the same fly but you don’t have to seat next to them^^.
Embrace the promising life that is waiting for you. Guilt is just a feeling, nothing more than a feeling.
Think about a brand new alignment without all the burden. How would your life be without this and this and this and that in it? Pretty amazing right?!? Come on, be honest! You know it and I know it too^^
Once you have your new alignment, then you can start to a new routine, a new meditation, a new mantra, a new everything!
I personally know that me healing, is hurting some people at some point, because I choose me, and I am not sacrificing myself for people’s comfort, even if they need me, even if they want to have me now in their lives, even if they miss me, even if they need support, guidance etc. If it costs me my own self, I won’t do it again… So far, it is not worth it.
Don’t forget that Life treats you the way you treat yourself. If you treat yourself like a sacrifice, a savior, a helper, a “not so important person”, a second / third character, or worst: a background job in your own life, do NOT expect that Life will give you more than how you respect yourself. The Universe will give you more of what you give for yourself. So, the more you will treat yourself as an insignificant character of your own damn life, the more the Universe will give you insignificant background duties, more of savior duties, more of helper jobs, but you will never be a shining start if you keep neglecting yourself. Don’t wait for a sign to chance: it will never come… You make the change to see the change. There is no other way, otherwise, as my Mom always says: “Tu vas chanter comme Dalida: “J’attendrai” ” (You will sing like Dalida: “I will wait”).
That’s all for me, hope it helps. I am super glad that I am back and I have more for you.
Take very good care of yourself! You are your own magic, your main character, and you are worth it AND powerful.
Peace n Kiss muaaaakkkk