Ode to friendship

I was about to call my friend Sarah, who moved to Egypt. But let me tell you that Sarah is no longer a friend for a very long time: she is family! We met in high school in 2001, and she’s one of these few people on Earth who might know some parts about me that sometimes I’m not even aware of. This girl (woman) studied me like an unconventional PhD thesis that she’ll defend in front of a close-minded jury. And is our friendship perfect? Let me tell you that it definitely is! Why? Because I’ve never fought with someone as much as I fought with her!!! We were two-tempered teenagers from the hood, we had big personalities, big egos, were very emotional, had different values and worldviews, etc. So of course we were clashing! But the beauty is that we ALWAYS reconnected. Through a song, a text message, a phone call… Sometimes we needed five phone calls. I remember her telling me once, because I was really mad and I wasn't sure if I wanted and was ready to keep our friendship: “Hey, that’s life! We fight and sometimes we reconnect right away, sometimes we take some more time, but you and I are until we die!” And I remember being like: “The audacity of that girl!” But she knew us better than I did… She wasn't ready to let me go. Never! I haven't seen Sarah in 10+ years because we are always one ocean and two continents apart, but we always make sure to call one another. I’m so grateful for her. She’s my ride or die ❤️

And then, I have some friends that I never fought with but who dumped me because I was wearing a crop top… 🤔

Another friend stopped talking to me because I wasn't supporting her BS because I don't know who ever said that “real friends don't judge”… So real friends are supposed to let you drown???

I also have friends who will call me out on my own BS if necessary. And always with kindness! Some friends will never hesitate to address an issue, if any, or a clarification is needed. Bless their souls!

And you also have these friends, bless their hearts and naivety, who think that we can spend years without talking and it won't affect our friendship 😂😂 I usually don't say anything and let them believe that, even if we both know that it’s not true. Or let’s be honest: we’re old friends, but not friend-friend.

And you have these friends who you barely talk to but they have your back!!!! You literally never talk, but when you’re in need, they'll show up, offer help without you having to ask for anything.

These friends are precious, and make sure that you are also a rock in their lives!

Meanwhile, I have friends that I dumped without any hesitation. Either because we were simply no longer aligned, but in a sense that they are ALWAYS looking for a way to ruin their lives! I’m empathetic, and unfortunately, if I love you, your problems become mine. But when your only goal is to consciously or unconsciously be miserable, like my father says: “Je ne suis plus là” (I’m no longer there).

I dumped some other friends because they weren't good people deep inside. I knew it, but back then I was Jesus / or I tried to fix through them what I couldn't fix in my own family ➡️ terrible projections.

I kicked out of my life some people I considered as family because they were agents of chaos / or way too disrespectful / or I couldn't picture them near my future kids / or they're simply not aware of how problematic they can be.

And some friendships simply faded away, and that's OK. We had an amazing time while it lasted.

Some other girlies are family, but we haven't spoken in years due to disagreements. They might not consider me, but I don't care, they’ll still be in my heart and someday we’ll reunite 🙏🏽

Another category is these people who want to be friends with you, but you’re very much not interested… It’s life, it happens. And sometimes you’re the one they don't want to be friends with.

It’s OK, we all need to find our circles.

Some friends are just going to be for travels / activities and fun.

Some other besties are NOT meant for you to travel with; it will destroy what you have. Spare your money!

But some friends are meant for you to travel with so you can see their true colors: angels 😇 or demons 😈

And you have these friends with whom everything is easy. No fight, no disrespect, no inconsideration, fair judgment, kindness, transparency, acceptance, value, leveling up, tolerance (this one is hard), pure love. ⬅️ I usually became friends with these ones at an older age, when you’ve already learned to regulate your emotions and you don't think that the world is against you.

Some friendships are a reason, a season, or a forever love. But whichever category you belong to, I’m grateful that I have and had you in my life. And if you're no longer in my life: GOOD FOR ME, YOU AIN'T SH*T! Just kidding, but if you’re no longer in my life for whatever reason, I hope you're happy and at peace. I hope you found your tribe and that you're better off without me 🩷

A lot of people think that something that doesn't last is fake. I strongly disagree because you shared wonderful moments with your friends. Sometimes people use you, sometimes you use them… But most of the time, you're aware of the situation but you just decided to deny whatever is happening because of attachment issues / dependency issues / or you think that it’s better than nothing… Be accountable.

And whoever felt used by me: hope you enjoyed the ride 🤣🤣🤣😘

Relationships are not flawless, and I’m super grateful to have people challenging me, shaking my beliefs, giving me different perspectives, etc. And sometimes it happens through fights 🤷🏽‍♀️

I don't dream of polished friendships. I dream of friendships where disagreement doesn't automatically mean destruction.

Maybe reading this automatically brought some names to mind…

What kind of friendships shaped you the most?

Aight, I’m out!

✌🏽🫶🏽🎤